Aug. 18th, 2011

maypirate: (Kyouya eeEEeeWWww!)
So this morning I was sitting, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, one of my nemeses showed up. I immediately had to tell everyone I was talking to on gmail about it:

[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:There's a house centipede about three feet away from me.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:Sitting.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:Waiting.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:It's all stripey.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:Its many protrusions are striped.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:I'm afraid if I don't keep a close eye on it, it will run over my toes.
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:OH GOD IT JUST MADE A BREAK FOR WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO GO STAND
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate:IT KNOWS MY MIND

Their reactions were varied:

[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: Is it at work?
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces:Then don't worry
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: You will leave and it will die

[livejournal.com profile] jactrades: just don't go near anything
[livejournal.com profile] jactrades: ever again
[livejournal.com profile] jactrades: and keep an eye on the ceiling
[livejournal.com profile] jactrades: in case it climbs and then FALLS

[livejournal.com profile] jou: egad
[livejournal.com profile] jou: drop a book on it!

[livejournal.com profile] caffeaffogato: OSHIT
[livejournal.com profile] caffeaffogato: SDAD
[livejournal.com profile] caffeaffogato: ASDFKL;JAS;DL
[livejournal.com profile] caffeaffogato: WELRK

I freakin' hate house centipedes, and if you are not familiar with them, they look like this (warning: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN A WORLD THAT IS GOOD AND JUST) and they move like the goddamn wind and now it's hiding somewhere between the counter and the porn bin, dreaming of crawling up my pants and touching me with its six trillion horrible stripey legs.

Wikipedia has this to say about them:

In 1902, C.L. Marlatt, an entomologist with the United States Department of Agriculture wrote a brief description of the house centipede:

It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements, often darting directly at inmates of the house, particularly women, evidently with a desire to conceal itself beneath their dresses, and thus creating much consternation.


Consterfuckingnation indeed, Mr. Marlatt.

So um. That's been my morning. How are you?

Addendum:

[livejournal.com profile] maypirate: I think it's safely behind the porn now.
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: Oh, thank goodness
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: I hope it jumps out at someone renting porn
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: That would be hilarious
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate: That would fucking make my life.
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: if you find its body, put it inside the case for Human Centipede
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate: *laaaaaaaaaaaaaughs*
[livejournal.com profile] starsandgraces: *reasons no one will ever hire me*
[livejournal.com profile] maypirate: I would hire you for just that reason.

Profile

maypirate: (Default)
maypirate

December 2011

S M T W T F S
    123
4567 8910
11 12 1314151617
1819202122 23 24
25262728293031

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 06:02 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios