And I'm sorry isn't good enough
Aug. 13th, 2005 01:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateSince I felt it fit to be a douche in front of everyone on my friends list, I think it's appropriate that I try to amend it in the same place.
For the record, Aja has nothing to do with this at all. Nothing. I just go to her with my fic woes and I was upset and going to tell her that no one listens to me. Forget I even mentioned her name.
This is between you and I.
I should have locked the journal. I knew you might see it, but I didn't think you came to see it much. It hasn't passed my notice that I'm not on your friends list. I always took that to mean that you didn't think very much of me or you weren't interested.
A lot of the time I don't know what to say to you, and a lot of the time I probably misunderstand what you're saying to me. Obviously, I had no idea you were trying to make me feel better, I clearly thought you weren't listening to a thing I said. And I didn't know what to do, so I got angry.
I can't seem to help that a huge driving force behind my writing is comments and people who like my stuff. And I've never been a big name in any fandom, though I always seem to know people who are.
That's why I was trying to tell you about my Elricest story, but you didn't seem to care. I wanted you to acknowledge that I was a good writer, but it was like that didn't even matter.
But I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have posted that.
I should have been honest and not angry one minute and then trying to hide it the next. I didn't want to start anything before Otakon, and now I have anyway.
I was at work tonight, and you were long gone when I got back, but I'll be around tomorrow. I would like to talk to you.
I'm sorry, Lauren.
For the record, Aja has nothing to do with this at all. Nothing. I just go to her with my fic woes and I was upset and going to tell her that no one listens to me. Forget I even mentioned her name.
This is between you and I.
I should have locked the journal. I knew you might see it, but I didn't think you came to see it much. It hasn't passed my notice that I'm not on your friends list. I always took that to mean that you didn't think very much of me or you weren't interested.
A lot of the time I don't know what to say to you, and a lot of the time I probably misunderstand what you're saying to me. Obviously, I had no idea you were trying to make me feel better, I clearly thought you weren't listening to a thing I said. And I didn't know what to do, so I got angry.
I can't seem to help that a huge driving force behind my writing is comments and people who like my stuff. And I've never been a big name in any fandom, though I always seem to know people who are.
That's why I was trying to tell you about my Elricest story, but you didn't seem to care. I wanted you to acknowledge that I was a good writer, but it was like that didn't even matter.
But I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have posted that.
I should have been honest and not angry one minute and then trying to hide it the next. I didn't want to start anything before Otakon, and now I have anyway.
I was at work tonight, and you were long gone when I got back, but I'll be around tomorrow. I would like to talk to you.
I'm sorry, Lauren.
