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Affliction
Spent the day writing and doodling and talking in my new chair in the basement, generally feeling fine when I realized I was waiting to feel not fine, or bad, or something. Literally expecting it to happen, not being willing to trust that I could have a day where I felt physically good for no apparent reason.
I'm getting really tired of this horrible obsession.
What I would like so much, so very much, is to go one day where I'm not afraid that my stomach is going to start hurting when I let my guard down, where I'm not afraid I'll get sick, where I don't have to look at food and be scared.
And sometimes facing your fears is the way to deal with them, and maybe that means I should just learn to eat like a human, but I'd rather just do what I did so long ago, wake up, and not be scared all the time anymore.
Je souhaite.
I'm getting really tired of this horrible obsession.
What I would like so much, so very much, is to go one day where I'm not afraid that my stomach is going to start hurting when I let my guard down, where I'm not afraid I'll get sick, where I don't have to look at food and be scared.
And sometimes facing your fears is the way to deal with them, and maybe that means I should just learn to eat like a human, but I'd rather just do what I did so long ago, wake up, and not be scared all the time anymore.
Je souhaite.
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