Biloxi Blues

[maypirate]

ONE of these days, I WILL post a big thing about Japan, and about how I need people's addresses and stuff, but that's for a day when I'm not updating during my lunchbreak.

So today, you get the post-trip blues.



-zoechan going offline, which makes me think maybe spending a week together killed her brain.

-My lack of fic-ability for my two projects for this month. I'm hesitant to drop both of them, but I'm also at my wits end. I doubt anyone will really honestly care if I don't do either of them, but I'll feel like I've let someone down, even if it's only myself. I picked a very bad theme for the FvA olympics, and every idea that I'm offered or come up with just falls apart when I try to think it out.

-How deeply friends turning to other fandoms is affecting me, and how mean I can be about it, even if I keep it mostly inside. The honest fact is that very few people have been able to show me something that they are crazy about and actually have me like it, and generally I will go out of my way to hate it, which is why I've been trying to steer away from even looking at the show in question because I don't want to make people angry with snarky comments. I am become a jerk, especially on top of my own inability to stay true to one fandom and my failures to contribute.

As if we were never friends to begin with, and we all pretended to care about what went on in each other's real lives. Which isn't true at all, of course. I'm just petty, like I said. And clingy. And I worry that people will leave me.

And it bothers me how much this bothers me.

-How truly, madly, deeply ugly the icons I make are. I went to put some up today and they were just awful. Even *I* don't want to use them. Man.

-I'm at work for five more hours and I have no concentration whatsoever, which means I can't draw the time away, and I don't have any money to buy myself a soda. And this seems lame because it is. But I really want a soda very much.

Here's hoping that I will someday recover the use of my stomach, a sense of actually being awake and not tired as hell, and any sort of creative capacity for anything, and that eventually I will be able to get over the season finale of Veronica Mars. Even my icons have felt its terrible wrath, but only monkeybobert knows which one I deleted out of inability to deal.

Also, would anyone like to come see "They Live" at the Orpheum at 9 pm with me tomorrow? There are zombies and it is a crap film on a large screen. I think it would be a riotous good time. Potential for reading awful doujinshi aftewards also available.

Comments

[shichahn.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about the turning to other fandoms thing. That makes me sad, too. I mean, I know we all move on, and I've definitely had some fandoms where I felt like I'd stay with them forever and I obviously didn't, but that doesn't make me feel better about it.

Also, if you think it might be helpful, I would love to take a look at your icons and possibly give you some hints on how you might improve them. I don't claim to be some sort of iconing genius, but I'm willing to try and help out. ^_^

[timingspoons.livejournal.com]

I can understand the thing about the soda. Sometimes you just want a soda...I've been there lots of times...the vending machine RIGHT THERE but no change or money to buy one........

[monkeybobert.livejournal.com]

People rarely stay with a fandom forever, but they always have a special place in their hearts. You don't have to like everything other people like just like they don't always like everything you like. Friendship is deeper than fandoms!

And I do want to go see the thing, but I'm babysitting until 11... So let me know if there is reading of awfulness later and I can stop by if it's not too late.

[tavella.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about other fandoms. Every year or so there's a mass fandom stampede -- SG Atlantis last year, Supernatural this year -- and it makes me allergic to the fandom in question.

[maxxim-huzzah.livejournal.com]

I understand about trying to write 'on command' (from Team Fluff) and not getting what you hoped the fic would be. I'm very inexperienced as a writer, and the FvA made me realize that trying to force fanfic is very hard to do. *wishes she could hide fic* Good luck on your fic if you decide to do it. If not, there are alternates who can--they volunteered too, and don't mind, I think. :) ♥

I know we haven't talked very much, but I doubt your other friends will leave you!Some authors/friends that I've come to recognize as THE FMA stalwarts are also turning to other fandoms. It does suck that we don't get some of what they're happy about. But it's ok not to like everything they like--they won't force you to do the same for them!

Dude, you make icons *and* write good fics? *envies*

The soda taunts everyone!

Random: I was thisclose to having my legal nambe be Biloxi... *shudders*

[pairaka.livejournal.com]

-How deeply friends turning to other fandoms is affecting me, and how mean I can be about it, even if I keep it mostly inside. The honest fact is that very few people have been able to show me something that they are crazy about and actually have me like it, and generally I will go out of my way to hate it, which is why I've been trying to steer away from even looking at the show in question because I don't want to make people angry with snarky comments. I am become a jerk, especially on top of my own inability to stay true to one fandom and my failures to contribute.

As if we were never friends to begin with, and we all pretended to care about what went on in each other's real lives. Which isn't true at all, of course. I'm just petty, like I said. And clingy. And I worry that people will leave me.

And it bothers me how much this bothers me.

I understand this. Maybe you understand me a bit better now. I am sorry you feel that way, however.

I wish I could come watch zombies and read bad doujinshi but I doubt I could make it in time.

[taskemus.livejournal.com]

But your icons are the awesome! :D Why else would I be using like three of them right now?

And forcing fanfiction is really hard. Just start writing something and connect it to the theme later or something. >>

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

This is untrue. I adore your icons. Other people do too, or they wouldn't have ganked'em without permission. ¬_¬

[asidian.livejournal.com]

Awww... I want to see your icons! ;_;

And I hope lots that I'm not one of the folks who made you sad. I know I've been bad about staying in touch and keeping up with lj, but I've been working overtime lately like whoa, and it's killing me. I swear I'll try and be better. I swear. *glomps, clings*