"FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OUT!"
Oct. 1st, 2005 01:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateFRIGHT NIGHT.
IS THE NAME OF A MOVIE.
BUT IT IS ALSO.
ANY GIVEN FRIDAY. AT MY JOB. DOWNTOWN.
Now as much as I complain about it, I really like my job. It's my favorite video store ever, and the only one I'll rent from unless I am in another state. I thoroughly enjoy my coworkers, and I get free movies, discounts on sales, and cheaper candy. I can wear my Misao porn shirt at my job (both of them). I wear big fuzzy slippers. Sometimes I open cases too hard and DVDs fly at me and I shriek and it's funny, and sometimes I drop stuff and have to ask people "....do you want damage protection?" and I remember my life is a fabulous comedy and I really enjoy it. Generally, it is a great job and I'm thrilled to have it. I want all my friends to come see me and rent movies and have fun.
BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I AM AT WORK I WANT TO REACH ACROSS THE COUNTER AND SHAKE PEOPLE AND SHAKE THEM AND SHAKE THEM AND THEN SCREAM "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE, YOU ARE TOO STUPID/DRUNK/BELLIGERENT/ANNOYING/UGLY TO RENT ANYTHING!" Especially tonight, when a huge part of the 6000 people who got free rental things in the mail looked at them and said "Oh, these expire today! Ha ha, silly me, better go rent something now, like I could have for the past two weeks! I am winner!"
-You have to sign your receipt. You ALWAYS have to sign you receipt. Your very first receipt, the first time you rented? YOU SIGNED IT. HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER THAT?
-You always need photo ID. We told you that too, at the very beginning. Why would you argue about it? WHAT DOES THAT GAIN YOU?!
-You know that white box behind the cover box with the pretty picture? You want that one. If you were supposed to rent the one with the picture, ALL OF THEM WOULD HAVE PICTURES, and there wouldn't be random stacks of white boxes behind them! WHY DOES THIS NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?!
-Mr. Man, why do you always come in and talk about all this stuff and I don't really care, and then I looked at my manager and she was grinning because she was like (to quote Zoe's away message) "omg, wtf is that thing?" and I actually started cracking up while he was talking and oh my god that was bad PR but I don't think he noticed.
-WHY, PRINTER, WHY WOULD YOU JAM LIKE THAT?!
-WHY, COMPUTER, WHY WOULD YOU RANDOMLY FREEZE? And why with that lady, who kept talking about things getting crazy at "the witching hour," and then proceeded to say "the witching hour" AT LEAST SEVENTEEN MORE TIMES while I tried to figure out what the fuck was wrong with the computer, and OH MY GOD I HEARD YOU THE FIRST FIVE SHUT UP.
-Please repeat "WHICH IS ALSO CALLED 'GAY PORN!'LOLROLFMAOMOALRFSNORTFLORKBOOF" a few more times, because it's SO FUCKING FUNNY, and the line of 12 people behind you probably didn't hear you being an assfuck.
-Are you drunk? You're drunk, aren't you? GETTHEFUCKOUTIHATEYOU.
-Yes, that guy farted. I glad that was the most hysterical thing that's ever happened in your life, so much so that you can't talk about anything else for FIVE MINUTES, and oh my god, the porn has a number on it, look at the number, THE NUMBER IS RIGHT THERE!!!
-NO I WILL NOT REDUCE YOUR LATE FEE. NO. NO!
-SIIIIIIIIIIIGN THEEEEEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEECEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIPT
-Why is it that when you pick something up, you can't possibly put it back where you got it? If the title is "Steamboy," do you think it should go in front of the cover box for "Fire and Ice?" DO YOU KNOW YOUR FUCKING ABC'S? HERE I WILL TEACH THEM TO YOU WITH MY FIST GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
-Saw a girl I went to high school with. I actually saw three when I was coming in, but they were nice, and one was my old friend Amanda. I liked them. I did not like Zenide Avellaneda. She looked pretty whore-y too. Ha.
-We take all bags. All of them. Because people steal our shit if we don't, okay? And yes, I *know* I took your bag, you don't have to remind me, I see the claim tag in your hand, I KNOW, OKAY?!
-And you need to GIVE ME THE BOXES TO PUT THE DVDs IN. Please do not clutch them to your chest like they are a part of you and make me need to reach for them with the grabby hands or say something like "uhhh...I need those." That makes us both look stupid, even though I always look less stupid because I am awesome.
-NO YOU WANT THE WHITE BOX! YES I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE! EVERYTHING IS BEHIND THE COUNTER! I AM PUTTING POISON IN YOUR BAG NOW.
-Don't throw your ID at me. Assholes.
-Don't take my pennies! I decide who gets my pennies! It is a sign of favortism! When I am near penny jars, I do not take out their pennies! You are bastard people, stop touching my pennies!
-Are you talking on your cell phone during our transaction? You = hate factory. I want to seek out ways to overcharge you, because you won't fucking notice since you're not paying attention to me or the things I'm saying or the questions I'm asking, like "do you want me to kick you in the crotch, okay then!" COMMON COURTESY, PEOPLE.
-Nice girls who wanted movies about serial killers and admitted you were renting "Brown Bunny" because of the Vincet Gallo blowjob? I heart you. You made me laugh. Why can't everyone be that awesome?
-Exceptionally amazing girl who went out and bought me water the other day when I was the only one behind the counter and I said I was thirsty? You are amazing. That's a mitzvah, and I hope you get wonderful things for it.
-And this is petty, but 12 year old girl who didn't even say "Inuyasha" right and corrected me when I accidentally confused "Castle Beyond the Looking Glass" with "Castle in the Sky" and said the wrong title? *I* am the anime girl, you are not the anime girl, come back in ten years and fight me! RAAAHR!
-PLEASE STARE AT ME WITH YOUR DEAD SOULLESS EYES MORE AND FAIL TO ACKNOWLEDGE I AM SPEAKING TO YOU. I LIKE IT.
-DO NOT ASK OUT MY COWORKERS. NOT AT WORK. NOT WHILE YOU ARE DRUNK. NOT WHILE YOU ARE STUPID. NOT EVER.
-FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OUT!
And that was my night. I made an extra dollar. :)
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kaltia and anax, there will be kittens, but if I tried to play with them right now, I think it would end with Alphonse-parent eating their heads off.
We'll start again tomorrow.
IS THE NAME OF A MOVIE.
BUT IT IS ALSO.
ANY GIVEN FRIDAY. AT MY JOB. DOWNTOWN.
Now as much as I complain about it, I really like my job. It's my favorite video store ever, and the only one I'll rent from unless I am in another state. I thoroughly enjoy my coworkers, and I get free movies, discounts on sales, and cheaper candy. I can wear my Misao porn shirt at my job (both of them). I wear big fuzzy slippers. Sometimes I open cases too hard and DVDs fly at me and I shriek and it's funny, and sometimes I drop stuff and have to ask people "....do you want damage protection?" and I remember my life is a fabulous comedy and I really enjoy it. Generally, it is a great job and I'm thrilled to have it. I want all my friends to come see me and rent movies and have fun.
BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I AM AT WORK I WANT TO REACH ACROSS THE COUNTER AND SHAKE PEOPLE AND SHAKE THEM AND SHAKE THEM AND THEN SCREAM "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE, YOU ARE TOO STUPID/DRUNK/BELLIGERENT/ANNOYING/UGLY TO RENT ANYTHING!" Especially tonight, when a huge part of the 6000 people who got free rental things in the mail looked at them and said "Oh, these expire today! Ha ha, silly me, better go rent something now, like I could have for the past two weeks! I am winner!"
-You have to sign your receipt. You ALWAYS have to sign you receipt. Your very first receipt, the first time you rented? YOU SIGNED IT. HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER THAT?
-You always need photo ID. We told you that too, at the very beginning. Why would you argue about it? WHAT DOES THAT GAIN YOU?!
-You know that white box behind the cover box with the pretty picture? You want that one. If you were supposed to rent the one with the picture, ALL OF THEM WOULD HAVE PICTURES, and there wouldn't be random stacks of white boxes behind them! WHY DOES THIS NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?!
-Mr. Man, why do you always come in and talk about all this stuff and I don't really care, and then I looked at my manager and she was grinning because she was like (to quote Zoe's away message) "omg, wtf is that thing?" and I actually started cracking up while he was talking and oh my god that was bad PR but I don't think he noticed.
-WHY, PRINTER, WHY WOULD YOU JAM LIKE THAT?!
-WHY, COMPUTER, WHY WOULD YOU RANDOMLY FREEZE? And why with that lady, who kept talking about things getting crazy at "the witching hour," and then proceeded to say "the witching hour" AT LEAST SEVENTEEN MORE TIMES while I tried to figure out what the fuck was wrong with the computer, and OH MY GOD I HEARD YOU THE FIRST FIVE SHUT UP.
-Please repeat "WHICH IS ALSO CALLED 'GAY PORN!'LOLROLFMAOMOALRFSNORTFLORKBOOF" a few more times, because it's SO FUCKING FUNNY, and the line of 12 people behind you probably didn't hear you being an assfuck.
-Are you drunk? You're drunk, aren't you? GETTHEFUCKOUTIHATEYOU.
-Yes, that guy farted. I glad that was the most hysterical thing that's ever happened in your life, so much so that you can't talk about anything else for FIVE MINUTES, and oh my god, the porn has a number on it, look at the number, THE NUMBER IS RIGHT THERE!!!
-NO I WILL NOT REDUCE YOUR LATE FEE. NO. NO!
-SIIIIIIIIIIIGN THEEEEEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEECEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIPT
-Why is it that when you pick something up, you can't possibly put it back where you got it? If the title is "Steamboy," do you think it should go in front of the cover box for "Fire and Ice?" DO YOU KNOW YOUR FUCKING ABC'S? HERE I WILL TEACH THEM TO YOU WITH MY FIST GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
-Saw a girl I went to high school with. I actually saw three when I was coming in, but they were nice, and one was my old friend Amanda. I liked them. I did not like Zenide Avellaneda. She looked pretty whore-y too. Ha.
-We take all bags. All of them. Because people steal our shit if we don't, okay? And yes, I *know* I took your bag, you don't have to remind me, I see the claim tag in your hand, I KNOW, OKAY?!
-And you need to GIVE ME THE BOXES TO PUT THE DVDs IN. Please do not clutch them to your chest like they are a part of you and make me need to reach for them with the grabby hands or say something like "uhhh...I need those." That makes us both look stupid, even though I always look less stupid because I am awesome.
-NO YOU WANT THE WHITE BOX! YES I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE! EVERYTHING IS BEHIND THE COUNTER! I AM PUTTING POISON IN YOUR BAG NOW.
-Don't throw your ID at me. Assholes.
-Don't take my pennies! I decide who gets my pennies! It is a sign of favortism! When I am near penny jars, I do not take out their pennies! You are bastard people, stop touching my pennies!
-Are you talking on your cell phone during our transaction? You = hate factory. I want to seek out ways to overcharge you, because you won't fucking notice since you're not paying attention to me or the things I'm saying or the questions I'm asking, like "do you want me to kick you in the crotch, okay then!" COMMON COURTESY, PEOPLE.
-Nice girls who wanted movies about serial killers and admitted you were renting "Brown Bunny" because of the Vincet Gallo blowjob? I heart you. You made me laugh. Why can't everyone be that awesome?
-Exceptionally amazing girl who went out and bought me water the other day when I was the only one behind the counter and I said I was thirsty? You are amazing. That's a mitzvah, and I hope you get wonderful things for it.
-And this is petty, but 12 year old girl who didn't even say "Inuyasha" right and corrected me when I accidentally confused "Castle Beyond the Looking Glass" with "Castle in the Sky" and said the wrong title? *I* am the anime girl, you are not the anime girl, come back in ten years and fight me! RAAAHR!
-PLEASE STARE AT ME WITH YOUR DEAD SOULLESS EYES MORE AND FAIL TO ACKNOWLEDGE I AM SPEAKING TO YOU. I LIKE IT.
-DO NOT ASK OUT MY COWORKERS. NOT AT WORK. NOT WHILE YOU ARE DRUNK. NOT WHILE YOU ARE STUPID. NOT EVER.
-FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OUT!
And that was my night. I made an extra dollar. :)
kaltia and anax, there will be kittens, but if I tried to play with them right now, I think it would end with Alphonse-parent eating their heads off.We'll start again tomorrow.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 08:03 am (UTC)*nods*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 08:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 09:11 am (UTC)*hugs you* Sit down, drink some tea, and try to pretend that no one else exists for a little while. *wills you silently to feel better*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-02 12:56 pm (UTC)