Sympathetic Character
Oct. 5th, 2005 12:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateI am so fucking angry I can't even process how many levels I'm angry on, and I'm so confused I can't even understand why the anger doesn't override the confusion and make everything clear.
Every fucking time I tell you it wasn't your fault.
No one who loves you would blame you.
No one who loves you would treat you like this.
No one who loves you would make horrific comments at the expense of things you care about.
No one who loves you would do any of this, say these things, ignore you, berate you, insist that you betrayed their trust when all you've ever been is scared.
And I'm torn between screaming and crying, and I'm afraid because I can type in all capitals but if you need me I can't run to your dorm and be with you, if you get too upset I can't call you and apologize, I lost your number and I don't have a card, I can't think, I can't think, I can't think, and suddenly I understand the problem, because I want to believe that somewhere my good friend who cared is still there, and that's how you must feel, but it must be worse, a thousand times worse, and yet, but still, please.
But for once in your life be unfair to him.
You have never, ever deserved this.
Happy Birthday,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
homoshiroi, I love you so fucking much, more than you'll ever know, more than he could ever understand, and I miss you like the sunshine misses the rain, misses the pain, whatever the hell that means, and I wish you were here and god you deserve better and more than I can ever give you, and if I was worth anything, for your birthday I'd bring you home.
Every fucking time I tell you it wasn't your fault.
No one who loves you would blame you.
No one who loves you would treat you like this.
No one who loves you would make horrific comments at the expense of things you care about.
No one who loves you would do any of this, say these things, ignore you, berate you, insist that you betrayed their trust when all you've ever been is scared.
And I'm torn between screaming and crying, and I'm afraid because I can type in all capitals but if you need me I can't run to your dorm and be with you, if you get too upset I can't call you and apologize, I lost your number and I don't have a card, I can't think, I can't think, I can't think, and suddenly I understand the problem, because I want to believe that somewhere my good friend who cared is still there, and that's how you must feel, but it must be worse, a thousand times worse, and yet, but still, please.
But for once in your life be unfair to him.
You have never, ever deserved this.
Happy Birthday,
homoshiroi, I love you so fucking much, more than you'll ever know, more than he could ever understand, and I miss you like the sunshine misses the rain, misses the pain, whatever the hell that means, and I wish you were here and god you deserve better and more than I can ever give you, and if I was worth anything, for your birthday I'd bring you home.
