Gentlemen Prefer Weevil
Nov. 9th, 2005 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateSo against Don's wishes -because VM is HIS show- I wrote Veronica Mars fanfiction for Bob tonight after the show for sheer entertainment.
It is horrific, badly written (odious, stingy, and badly dressed) but it requires no knowledge of the show or the characters, and you can see the lengths I go to amuse people.
Title: Veronica Mars: THE STORY OMYGD
Pairing: OOH SURPRISE
Rating: RRRRR!
Dedicated to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
monkeybobert
Duncan and Veronia Mars and Logan “really hot” Echolls sat on Duncan’s couch at the Neptune Grand hotel. Earlier, Veronica had jumped on Logan while Logan was wearing Duncan's clothes. That was awkward. Oh well.
“Well.” said Duncan.
“Yup.” said Veronica Mars.
“I sure am hot.” said Logan, and the other two stared at him.
They were watching a movie. It was called “Watch It,” and was definitely a high-class film.
“Have you ever noticed,” asked Logan, with that California drawl that I certainly couldn’t possibly identify as a California drawl but apparently other writers can, and what the hell, it’s not like I was born in California or anything (I was, actually) but I digress, “That Peter Gallagher has really freakin’ huge eyebrows. Like deadly. Deadly-sized.”
“...deadly-sized?” asked Veronica Mars, raising an eyebrow. “Have you ever taken an English class?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t major in the dictionary.” Logan shot back, ever so wittily.
“You can’t major in anything in high school.”
“Okay now,” said Duncan, failing to accomplish anything, as usual. “Let’s play nice.”
They continued to watch “Watch It” in relative silence.
“Hey,” said Veronica Mars after a while, “Which one of you is eating my goddamn garlic bread?”
“Oh, was that yours? I’m sorry, I thought it was...uh...mine.” said Duncan, being stupid. And funny-looking.
“Yeah, it was, and that garlic bread was the best thing I had going right now, thanks, with psycho-ugly boyfriend you on the left, and psychotic-hot ex-boyfriend on the right.”
OH GOD YES SHE STILL LVOES...wait...LOVES (thanks dictionary!) ME!!!!!!!one thought Logan, wondering why he punctuated his internal monologue, and nearly tearing up because that's what Logan did when he got emotional. Cried like a goddamn girl.
“You think I’m ugly?” asked Duncan, trying to emote in some manner, but failing, again, when does he not fail, oh TeddyDunn, TeddyDunn, TeddyDunn...
“By ugly, I meant, um....I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.” Veronica Mars flounced blondly out of the room to shut herself in the bathroom and try to call Wallace for some of that girl talk that they totally had, even if Wallace said it wasn’t girl talk, it was girl talk, and yes, sometimes they read Cosmo together and took the quizzes. But no one would ever know that. You didn’t hear it from me. Righto.
Wallace didn’t answer his phone, so Veronica looked through Duncan’s pharmaceuticals and pondered his myriad of mental illnesses. Or one. I dunno, whatever, he’s got a whole bunch of issues, but I guess a lot of them have to do with his face. Maybe it’s just me.
Meanwhile, back with “Watch It,” Duncan and Logan had lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.
“Soooooo....” suggested Duncan.
“I have to use the bathroom too,” said Logan, and stood up.
“Isn’t Veronica in the bathroom?”
“She may well be.”
“Oh. Okay. Whatever.”
Logan got to said bathroom just as Veronica was leaving it and they stared at each other.
Much staring.
Oh the stare.
It was torrid. And hot. And full of recaps, if I felt like writing about their feelings over the summer, their tragic breakup, blah blah blah, you know the story, whatever, they STARED.
It was one hot stare.
“Did you both die?” called Duncan from the living room.
“Yes!” said Veronica.
“You did!” said Logan.
“What?” said Duncan.
“Sorry, different story.” Logan continued to stare with Veronica. Maybe one day one of them would blink, and the moment would be ruined and then they’d go back and be infuriating.
HA! Yeah right. Whose story do you think this is?
Anyway, when one of them DID blink -you can pick who, Logan probably blinked cuter- and then they were totally making out all over the place. Like against the wall, and then they fell into the bathroom and made out on the sink, because that was their old-school special makeout place anyway. Something about sinks. Mmm...sinks.
“Hey guys. This movie is called a drama, but I think it should be a comedy.” said Duncan, doing...something, who the hell cared?
“Mmafjskhdfsfkskdhfjkshd.” offered Veronica around Logan’s tongue, which I could describe to you with words no one should ever use to describe a tongue but that’s for other people who are not me, thanks.
In any case, by the time Duncan had finished the movie by himself and noticed that he was by himself -alone, one might say if one had a thesaurus, which is like a dictionary, but better- he looked around.
“Guys?”
There were some kind of freaky clunky-screaming-sex-sounding...sound from nearby, and Duncan shook his head. Man, those people next door sure were getting their supah freak on all the time. Sheesh.
Duncan walked into the bedroom and made another attempt at emotion -succeeding not at all, of course- as he found Veronica and Logan in bed together.
“Uh....oh my god, Duncan, I totally thought he was you. Like that time he was wearing your sweater on the couch. Remember? That kindled a whole lot of forgotten or not so forgotten feelings.”
Logan just waved.
“Hi.”
“Also, we’re getting married.” Veronica showed him the ring that had come out of who the hell knows where.
Duncan gave up on facial expressions altogether.
“So, um...”
“Can you close the door?” asked Logan.
“Oh, sure.”
Duncan closed the door.
“So.” said Veronica Mars. “I think I’ll be Veronica Echolls, unless you want to be Logan Mars.”
“Veronica Echolls-Mars? Mars-Echolls?”
“Anything but Veronica TeddyDunn,” she smiled, and kissed him. “I love you so much Logan.”
“Me too, sugarpuss. I love me too.”
...and everyone else was still dead, except Wallace, who is cool, and Weevil, who became king of
everything.
THE END HOORAY
I m a RITING KWEEN!!!!
decken:THAT WAS THE BEST FANFIC I EVER READ IN MY LIFE OMG WOW
maypirate: WAS IT NOT TOTALLY TRUE TO THE SHOW OR WHAT?!
decken: IT WAS SOOO ACCURATE
decken: AND THE CHARACTERS WERE LIKE TOTALLY IN CHARACTER
decken: AND THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED WERE LKIKE OMG YO UCOULD PASS THAT OFF AS A REAL SCRIPT FROM THE SHOW
I AM WINNAR!!!!!!!
It is horrific, badly written (odious, stingy, and badly dressed) but it requires no knowledge of the show or the characters, and you can see the lengths I go to amuse people.
Title: Veronica Mars: THE STORY OMYGD
Pairing: OOH SURPRISE
Rating: RRRRR!
Dedicated to
monkeybobertDuncan and Veronia Mars and Logan “really hot” Echolls sat on Duncan’s couch at the Neptune Grand hotel. Earlier, Veronica had jumped on Logan while Logan was wearing Duncan's clothes. That was awkward. Oh well.
“Well.” said Duncan.
“Yup.” said Veronica Mars.
“I sure am hot.” said Logan, and the other two stared at him.
They were watching a movie. It was called “Watch It,” and was definitely a high-class film.
“Have you ever noticed,” asked Logan, with that California drawl that I certainly couldn’t possibly identify as a California drawl but apparently other writers can, and what the hell, it’s not like I was born in California or anything (I was, actually) but I digress, “That Peter Gallagher has really freakin’ huge eyebrows. Like deadly. Deadly-sized.”
“...deadly-sized?” asked Veronica Mars, raising an eyebrow. “Have you ever taken an English class?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t major in the dictionary.” Logan shot back, ever so wittily.
“You can’t major in anything in high school.”
“Okay now,” said Duncan, failing to accomplish anything, as usual. “Let’s play nice.”
They continued to watch “Watch It” in relative silence.
“Hey,” said Veronica Mars after a while, “Which one of you is eating my goddamn garlic bread?”
“Oh, was that yours? I’m sorry, I thought it was...uh...mine.” said Duncan, being stupid. And funny-looking.
“Yeah, it was, and that garlic bread was the best thing I had going right now, thanks, with psycho-ugly boyfriend you on the left, and psychotic-hot ex-boyfriend on the right.”
OH GOD YES SHE STILL LVOES...wait...LOVES (thanks dictionary!) ME!!!!!!!one thought Logan, wondering why he punctuated his internal monologue, and nearly tearing up because that's what Logan did when he got emotional. Cried like a goddamn girl.
“You think I’m ugly?” asked Duncan, trying to emote in some manner, but failing, again, when does he not fail, oh TeddyDunn, TeddyDunn, TeddyDunn...
“By ugly, I meant, um....I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.” Veronica Mars flounced blondly out of the room to shut herself in the bathroom and try to call Wallace for some of that girl talk that they totally had, even if Wallace said it wasn’t girl talk, it was girl talk, and yes, sometimes they read Cosmo together and took the quizzes. But no one would ever know that. You didn’t hear it from me. Righto.
Wallace didn’t answer his phone, so Veronica looked through Duncan’s pharmaceuticals and pondered his myriad of mental illnesses. Or one. I dunno, whatever, he’s got a whole bunch of issues, but I guess a lot of them have to do with his face. Maybe it’s just me.
Meanwhile, back with “Watch It,” Duncan and Logan had lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.
“Soooooo....” suggested Duncan.
“I have to use the bathroom too,” said Logan, and stood up.
“Isn’t Veronica in the bathroom?”
“She may well be.”
“Oh. Okay. Whatever.”
Logan got to said bathroom just as Veronica was leaving it and they stared at each other.
Much staring.
Oh the stare.
It was torrid. And hot. And full of recaps, if I felt like writing about their feelings over the summer, their tragic breakup, blah blah blah, you know the story, whatever, they STARED.
It was one hot stare.
“Did you both die?” called Duncan from the living room.
“Yes!” said Veronica.
“You did!” said Logan.
“What?” said Duncan.
“Sorry, different story.” Logan continued to stare with Veronica. Maybe one day one of them would blink, and the moment would be ruined and then they’d go back and be infuriating.
HA! Yeah right. Whose story do you think this is?
Anyway, when one of them DID blink -you can pick who, Logan probably blinked cuter- and then they were totally making out all over the place. Like against the wall, and then they fell into the bathroom and made out on the sink, because that was their old-school special makeout place anyway. Something about sinks. Mmm...sinks.
“Hey guys. This movie is called a drama, but I think it should be a comedy.” said Duncan, doing...something, who the hell cared?
“Mmafjskhdfsfkskdhfjkshd.” offered Veronica around Logan’s tongue, which I could describe to you with words no one should ever use to describe a tongue but that’s for other people who are not me, thanks.
In any case, by the time Duncan had finished the movie by himself and noticed that he was by himself -alone, one might say if one had a thesaurus, which is like a dictionary, but better- he looked around.
“Guys?”
There were some kind of freaky clunky-screaming-sex-sounding...sound from nearby, and Duncan shook his head. Man, those people next door sure were getting their supah freak on all the time. Sheesh.
Duncan walked into the bedroom and made another attempt at emotion -succeeding not at all, of course- as he found Veronica and Logan in bed together.
“Uh....oh my god, Duncan, I totally thought he was you. Like that time he was wearing your sweater on the couch. Remember? That kindled a whole lot of forgotten or not so forgotten feelings.”
Logan just waved.
“Hi.”
“Also, we’re getting married.” Veronica showed him the ring that had come out of who the hell knows where.
Duncan gave up on facial expressions altogether.
“So, um...”
“Can you close the door?” asked Logan.
“Oh, sure.”
Duncan closed the door.
“So.” said Veronica Mars. “I think I’ll be Veronica Echolls, unless you want to be Logan Mars.”
“Veronica Echolls-Mars? Mars-Echolls?”
“Anything but Veronica TeddyDunn,” she smiled, and kissed him. “I love you so much Logan.”
“Me too, sugarpuss. I love me too.”
...and everyone else was still dead, except Wallace, who is cool, and Weevil, who became king of
everything.
THE END HOORAY
I m a RITING KWEEN!!!!
decken:THAT WAS THE BEST FANFIC I EVER READ IN MY LIFE OMG WOWmaypirate: WAS IT NOT TOTALLY TRUE TO THE SHOW OR WHAT?!decken: IT WAS SOOO ACCURATEdecken: AND THE CHARACTERS WERE LIKE TOTALLY IN CHARACTERdecken: AND THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED WERE LKIKE OMG YO UCOULD PASS THAT OFF AS A REAL SCRIPT FROM THE SHOWI AM WINNAR!!!!!!!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-10 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-10 05:57 pm (UTC)I'd probably like it even better if I know the chars, but hey, this is great enough XD
no subject
Date: 2005-11-10 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 03:31 am (UTC)I contributed a couple lines to this piece of beauty!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 04:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-10 10:25 pm (UTC)Regardless, I laughed myself into a coughing fit. Great stuff. ^___^
no subject
Date: 2005-11-10 11:18 pm (UTC)And shit, I should really be packing now.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 03:32 am (UTC)That was too much fun to write and read!
no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 05:08 am (UTC)-alone, one might say if one had a thesaurus, which is like a dictionary, but better-
that had me laughing out loud, which was much needed after a long night of homework! The whole thing was very amusing, I think I enjoyed that more than any other fanfic I've ever read :)
no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 05:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-11 06:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-12 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-12 05:49 pm (UTC)