A Sound of Thunder
Apr. 14th, 2006 12:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateYou should have seen the crazy hail that we got pounded with last night. Holy crap, they were larger than pingpong balls. I took a picture with my phone, but I don't have it uploaded yet.
I have this huge weight on my shoulders and beneath my ribs, and part of it is the whole thing with CoE and the larger part of it is W&M because I need to decide if I'm going in the fall, or if I'm staying, or what I'm doing.
My dad said I'd know by my gut feeling, but my head so constantly gets in the way by interjecting so many things. I could stay here for another year and not leave my job and not live in Virginia and earn more money, but I could also go and start something big and then I don't know what to say to Don.
Who am I kidding? I know what I want to do. I'm just afraid of hurt. And it's dragging me down.
And fuck, I feel like crap again. I just want to lie down and sleep until my body decides to stop digesting itself. I'm not sure I'm ever going to be the proper weight again.
I love CoE, and I love you all, and if you have to question if I love you, then you're being silly. I got my part out and I saw and heard what other people had to say and that is what it is. ZEP, ZOON, and all the cool kids in the room.
I'm going to go want to die through my last 6 hours of work now. Oh god... 6 hours... oh god...
I have this huge weight on my shoulders and beneath my ribs, and part of it is the whole thing with CoE and the larger part of it is W&M because I need to decide if I'm going in the fall, or if I'm staying, or what I'm doing.
My dad said I'd know by my gut feeling, but my head so constantly gets in the way by interjecting so many things. I could stay here for another year and not leave my job and not live in Virginia and earn more money, but I could also go and start something big and then I don't know what to say to Don.
Who am I kidding? I know what I want to do. I'm just afraid of hurt. And it's dragging me down.
And fuck, I feel like crap again. I just want to lie down and sleep until my body decides to stop digesting itself. I'm not sure I'm ever going to be the proper weight again.
I love CoE, and I love you all, and if you have to question if I love you, then you're being silly. I got my part out and I saw and heard what other people had to say and that is what it is. ZEP, ZOON, and all the cool kids in the room.
I'm going to go want to die through my last 6 hours of work now. Oh god... 6 hours... oh god...
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 10:46 pm (UTC)Be good to yourself.
Moving is a very stressful thing, and you wouldn't be human if it didn't tie you in a few knots. Whatever you decide to do, move or stay, you will do fine. It may help to think of it as a rollercoaster, and right now you are knotching your way up the first big hill. That fear you feel, can also be excitement. Terror is also thrill. Don't doubt your decisions. Let go and scream.