And you turn it into honesty
Jun. 8th, 2006 10:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maypirateOh stomach, why must we always be at odds with each other? Why indeed?
Before I get onto the stuff I'm thinking about, here is TMI FOR![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
circe67!
This is specially for her, so you probably don't want to click. There are pictures, too. :p
So I was wearing my mom's sandals to get ice cream last night, and the edge of my heel started to hurt. And I have a lot of calluses there anyway, so I was like "...okay, whatever heels." And then I was poking them later, and they had that wiggly loose-skin blister feeling. So I was like "hmmmm..."
So I got home and I got out the nail clippers that I usually use to trip off calluses and stuff, and I was doing that, and I was like "Oh, it is just a callus" and then OH NO BLISTER OOOZE! OOOOOZE! There was ooze. And then instead of leaving it where it was, I had to keep going and cut the whole thing open so it was all red and stingy and gross. And then I had to do it on the other foot too, because I can't leave ooze-enough alone.
So here's what my heels look like:
And I get to stand up ALL DAY! :D
Anyway, the real story is this. I stress about stuff. I'm lame like that. It was suggested to me last night that one of the reasons my stomach has been feeling bad is because of things like fandom and my own feelings about what people expect of me, or even what they want to hear from me, maybe even feelings of inadequacy, like I always write the same story, and no one would care if I stopped at all (to which I was told, essentially "shut the fuck up, you fool. :p", but hey, I'm just sayin' what I been thinkin').
Because honestly, I'm terrified of being boring, though I know I have boring days, and I'm also always, always afraid of posting something that might hurt someone's feelings, even if I don't mean to.
So I've been debating creating filters for my journal, so people can choose what brand of my shit turns up on their flist. I gave them cute names, too:
[Vanitas Vanitatum]- My life in general, including work stories, grad school, my stomach, and ONI
[Rollo Timussy]- My emo, my cryptic entries
{Fuck You Aurora]- My rants, my angries
[Alsexual]- FMA fandom stuff. I love Al.
[Veritas/Aequitas]- Boondock Saints fandom stuff
[May's Host Club]- All other fandoms
And I probably won't even do this, because one of the things I pride myself on is being open and out there. What you see is what I am. But the truth is lately I've been feeling uncomfortable in my own journal, afraid to say things, unsure what to write, and that bothers me.
So this is just me thinking out loud, or in type, and I'll be thinking about it all day as I hatefully rent "Underworld: Evolution" to the masses. Man, that movie sucked.
Pray for my stomach, and my sanity.
Before I get onto the stuff I'm thinking about, here is TMI FOR
circe67!This is specially for her, so you probably don't want to click. There are pictures, too. :p
So I was wearing my mom's sandals to get ice cream last night, and the edge of my heel started to hurt. And I have a lot of calluses there anyway, so I was like "...okay, whatever heels." And then I was poking them later, and they had that wiggly loose-skin blister feeling. So I was like "hmmmm..."
So I got home and I got out the nail clippers that I usually use to trip off calluses and stuff, and I was doing that, and I was like "Oh, it is just a callus" and then OH NO BLISTER OOOZE! OOOOOZE! There was ooze. And then instead of leaving it where it was, I had to keep going and cut the whole thing open so it was all red and stingy and gross. And then I had to do it on the other foot too, because I can't leave ooze-enough alone.
So here's what my heels look like:
And I get to stand up ALL DAY! :D
Anyway, the real story is this. I stress about stuff. I'm lame like that. It was suggested to me last night that one of the reasons my stomach has been feeling bad is because of things like fandom and my own feelings about what people expect of me, or even what they want to hear from me, maybe even feelings of inadequacy, like I always write the same story, and no one would care if I stopped at all (to which I was told, essentially "shut the fuck up, you fool. :p", but hey, I'm just sayin' what I been thinkin').
Because honestly, I'm terrified of being boring, though I know I have boring days, and I'm also always, always afraid of posting something that might hurt someone's feelings, even if I don't mean to.
So I've been debating creating filters for my journal, so people can choose what brand of my shit turns up on their flist. I gave them cute names, too:
[Vanitas Vanitatum]- My life in general, including work stories, grad school, my stomach, and ONI
[Rollo Timussy]- My emo, my cryptic entries
{Fuck You Aurora]- My rants, my angries
[Alsexual]- FMA fandom stuff. I love Al.
[Veritas/Aequitas]- Boondock Saints fandom stuff
[May's Host Club]- All other fandoms
And I probably won't even do this, because one of the things I pride myself on is being open and out there. What you see is what I am. But the truth is lately I've been feeling uncomfortable in my own journal, afraid to say things, unsure what to write, and that bothers me.
So this is just me thinking out loud, or in type, and I'll be thinking about it all day as I hatefully rent "Underworld: Evolution" to the masses. Man, that movie sucked.
Pray for my stomach, and my sanity.
