And you turn it into honesty

[maypirate]

Oh stomach, why must we always be at odds with each other? Why indeed?

Before I get onto the stuff I'm thinking about, here is TMI FOR circe67!

This is specially for her, so you probably don't want to click. There are pictures, too. :p



So I was wearing my mom's sandals to get ice cream last night, and the edge of my heel started to hurt. And I have a lot of calluses there anyway, so I was like "...okay, whatever heels." And then I was poking them later, and they had that wiggly loose-skin blister feeling. So I was like "hmmmm..."

So I got home and I got out the nail clippers that I usually use to trip off calluses and stuff, and I was doing that, and I was like "Oh, it is just a callus" and then OH NO BLISTER OOOZE! OOOOOZE! There was ooze. And then instead of leaving it where it was, I had to keep going and cut the whole thing open so it was all red and stingy and gross. And then I had to do it on the other foot too, because I can't leave ooze-enough alone.

So here's what my heels look like:



And I get to stand up ALL DAY! :D

Anyway, the real story is this. I stress about stuff. I'm lame like that. It was suggested to me last night that one of the reasons my stomach has been feeling bad is because of things like fandom and my own feelings about what people expect of me, or even what they want to hear from me, maybe even feelings of inadequacy, like I always write the same story, and no one would care if I stopped at all (to which I was told, essentially "shut the fuck up, you fool. :p", but hey, I'm just sayin' what I been thinkin').

Because honestly, I'm terrified of being boring, though I know I have boring days, and I'm also always, always afraid of posting something that might hurt someone's feelings, even if I don't mean to.

So I've been debating creating filters for my journal, so people can choose what brand of my shit turns up on their flist. I gave them cute names, too:

[Vanitas Vanitatum]- My life in general, including work stories, grad school, my stomach, and ONI
[Rollo Timussy]- My emo, my cryptic entries
{Fuck You Aurora]- My rants, my angries
[Alsexual]- FMA fandom stuff. I love Al.
[Veritas/Aequitas]- Boondock Saints fandom stuff
[May's Host Club]- All other fandoms

And I probably won't even do this, because one of the things I pride myself on is being open and out there. What you see is what I am. But the truth is lately I've been feeling uncomfortable in my own journal, afraid to say things, unsure what to write, and that bothers me.

So this is just me thinking out loud, or in type, and I'll be thinking about it all day as I hatefully rent "Underworld: Evolution" to the masses. Man, that movie sucked.

Pray for my stomach, and my sanity.

Comments

[thisisnotmyname.livejournal.com]

you dumbass!! what the hell did you open it for?!

D: D: D: D:



*chews on your blister*

[thisisnotmyname.livejournal.com]

also: shut the fuck up, you fool



<uzi.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

DUDE, how can you NOT open a blister?!?!? The way it all lifts up from your skin when you start to pick and then OOZE and then you try to wash it off and it STINGS and you're like "AH FUCK OW WHY?"

...you don't do that? Oh come on, Circe. That's laaaaame. I can't believe you don't pick your blisters. I'm not sure I can share my TMI with you anymore if you're not going to pick things.

[thisisnotmyname.livejournal.com]

lmao

i pick scabs, i dont pick blisters.

or at least i dont KEEP CUTTING THEM OPEN UNTIL THEY ARE COMPLETELY RAW AND PAINFUL ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT WHEN I KNOW IM GOING TO HAVE TO STAND ON IT ALL DAY THE NEXT DAY!!



CAAAAPPSSSSSLOOOOCCCCKKKKKKKK

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

Well how else are they supposed to heal? I don't want to leave gross useless skin clinging to the bottom of my foot! EEEEW, that's IIIICKY!

And I have fancy blister pads. Every now and then I take off my shoe and poke at them and go "Oooooooooo..."

[thisisnotmyname.livejournal.com]

yeah, but if you squish the skinflap into the ooze it sticks there and then it like, fuses and when it heals you can peel off the hardened, dead skin flap.

:DDD

[taskemus.livejournal.com]

...Y'know, I don't think you have to worry about being boring; you're May. May ≠ boring.

Also: this is your journal so you shouldn't be worried about hurting anyone's feelings, especially if you don't mean to. (I mean, unless you were like "HEY exampleusername, I REALLY HATE YOU AND HERE'S WHY" or something.) If you say you think cacti are weird and pointy and someone gets offended because he or she's a cactus farmer, well, that really isn't your fault. (If there even is such thing as a cactus farmer, whut.)

Feel free to happily ignore me, I really need to go to sleep and therefore am weird and rambly. =_=

And hey, if you make filters I want on all of them! Also, sorry about your foot. Sandals are evil.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

I'M A CACTUS FARMER! D:

And I only would call someone out by LJ name if they were someone I hated and if I hated them, they probably wouldn't be on my flist.

*hugs tight* I'm so excited to see you at work!

[maxxim-huzzah.livejournal.com]

Hey! Are you insulting my love of cacti!? D:

*to cactus* Cactuar! 1000 Scolding Needles!

*no reaction* Egads, you're impervious to my cactus!! XD;

But I agree, a personal LJ is just that--personal. It's part clicking that 'add friend' button. If we weren't ready for all of it, we wouldn't click. :D

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think that cute names alone are a worthy enough justification to create filters. :)

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

I know, now I suck because I really like my cute names...now I'm even more confused! Mikkeeee! Help! D:

[reikah.livejournal.com]

ALL, BITCH.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

Even the one called "this is where I cry all day because Kaltia called me a bitch and shattered my glass heart to tiny pieces while I was shirking at work?" :p

[reikah.livejournal.com]

Yes. If I ever call you a bitch and shatter your glass heart, I wanna see the consequences. :D

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

Well you can watch them right now! BOOOOO HOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO! ;;;_;;;

[pairaka.livejournal.com]

So this is just me thinking out loud, or in type, and I'll be thinking about it all day as I hatefully rent "Underworld: Evolution" to the masses. Man, that movie sucked.

Considering that the first movie sucked bilgewater, I'm not surprised that the second one sucked.

*hugs you to pieces like meeses*

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

Ugh, and I didn't even see the first one, so I was just sitting there like "...what?"

Worst use of Derek Jacobi ever.

[cryogenia.livejournal.com]

Well, you do whatever you want, but I would like to be on all the filters. Paraphrasing Mikke, "I am hear for May-life!"

[liete.livejournal.com]

Ah, somehow I feel that this is somewhat my fault. Sorry, you don't have to include me in those if you don't want.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

O.o Don't be silly, this isn't your fault at all, you haven't done anything! I've just been looking around on my flist and wondering if it would be a good idea., or wondering if people really want to read all the crap about Boondock Saints I've been spouting lately. I'm not sure I'll even do it, and if I did, of course you'd be included on whatever you wanted to be included on.

[maxxim-huzzah.livejournal.com]

If you make them, put me on all of them! For one thing, it's YOUR LJ, so you can write about whatever the hells you want in it. ("Alsexual"...ooh, I like that one just because *insert inappropriate fangirling of Al*)

And a RL friend of mine loves Boondock Saints, so having 2 friends say it's good means that I must obviously watch it!

[tobu-ishi.livejournal.com]

*grins* Dude, I totli had a hole in my foot last year too! Only it was gouged out with a scalpel and the size of a bullet hole between my toes, and the result of minor surgery without anaesthetic.

...I didn't have to spend much time standing on it, though. So you're probably in worse shape than I was. Ganbare?