[VanitasVanitatum] If you could read my mind, love

[maypirate]

So here's a quandry for you.


I have a friend. We'll call her V.



V and I have known each other a long time. V and I are good friends, have shared a lot, and are, as I am with most of my friends, very snuggly when together.

V stopped by last night to borrow a movie from me, and said that in the car, the people she was with were talking about how many people they'd made out with. V's number was pretty low. Her significant other's number, however, was fairly high.

So, because V and I are good friends, because I knew she would be amused, I kissed her.

More like...I kissed her teeth and she spat/sputtered on me because she was shocked, and then we both couldn't stop laughing.

Apparently, however, this was some kind of MORTAL SIN against her significant other, because they got mad, and later called me from V's phone to chew me out. Which was a fabulous end to a fabulous day, and resulted in my third bout of crying.

And I'm sorry that it made her upset. I'm sorry that I probably hurt V when I wanted to make her smile.

But I'm also confused because fuck, can't this person trust her? Doesn't this person know how much V loves them? And yes, I understand jealousy, god do I ever, but V is my friend, and it wasn't a lover kiss, it wasn't a "remember a long time ago when we could have been somethign else, clearly I want your body" kiss. (And I know you're reading this Don, and it was an icky kiss, and you should not worry, because you have received horrible kisses of a similar ilk much more often).

I went to a school where people kissed each other left and right, out of friendship, for comfort, with no romantic attachments but just because it could be done, and because it was affectionate, and I didn't think anything of it. And maybe, "next time I should think about it more."

And I'm sorry that I hurt these people. I'm sorry if I've damaged their relationship, but not as sorry as I could be, because though I know V cares and loves so much, I cannot stand to see her used and hurt. It makes me upset to see her not being trusted, when she has tried so hard.

I'm not sorry that I love V and feel close enough to her to do something like that, and know she knows where I'm coming from.

Also, I had some blood drawn today and now I want to bang my head on the wall and claw out my spine. I hate needles. I hate needles. I hate needles.

Comments

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

It's was a mistake, but a mistake made with good intentions, and not damanging. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. It will pass and people will more or less forget about it. I find myself bumping up against the limits of what's exceptable in friendship all the time.

I wish I could be huggy and cuddly with my friends. I envy your closeness and comfort level.

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

I'm more upset of the possibility that V is upset.

I guess it was a mistake and I should have thought about it more, but the distances that I go for a laugh are sometimes further and less...er..."legal" than I realize.

*hugs*

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

I think you are a very very sweet person, and the fact that you are willing to take risks to cheer someone up just makes you a better person to be around.

[vikki.livejournal.com]

if the SO is so upset about it, I'm inclined to say it's his problem. But by extension, it's V's problem too. >___>;; I'm gathering that V was not upset over the kiss until she talked to her SO?

I don't really know what you can do about it, though, except maybe let it blow over or see if you can come to an understanding over the circumstances of the kiss.

As to the needles thing, I so sympathize. x____x

[maypirate.livejournal.com]

No, she wasn't upset. We were texting back and forth as we left talking about how much we were still laughing. And then she texted me to tell me that her SO was mad.

I want to, I'm just bummed. I've tried to call her, but she's not answering her phone.

I HATE NEEDLES.

Your Zidane costume is super cool, by the way. :)

[sarayan.livejournal.com]

Aw, I would be happy if I recieved an Amber kiss! And my SO would think it was cute. ^_^ I'm sure they'll get over it.

[silver-miko.livejournal.com]

Dude, her SO is overreacted too damn much. It was clearly no big deal.

Sorry about needles. I hate them too.

[entropyx56.livejournal.com]

hey, give me a call

972-757-9216