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So this morning I was sitting, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, one of my nemeses showed up. I immediately had to tell everyone I was talking to on gmail about it:
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maypirate:There's a house centipede about three feet away from me.
maypirate:Sitting.
maypirate:Waiting.
maypirate:It's all stripey.
maypirate:Its many protrusions are striped.
maypirate:I'm afraid if I don't keep a close eye on it, it will run over my toes.
maypirate:OH GOD IT JUST MADE A BREAK FOR WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO GO STAND
maypirate:IT KNOWS MY MIND
Their reactions were varied:
starsandgraces: Is it at work?
starsandgraces:Then don't worry
starsandgraces: You will leave and it will die
jactrades: just don't go near anything
jactrades: ever again
jactrades: and keep an eye on the ceiling
jactrades: in case it climbs and then FALLS
jou: egad
jou: drop a book on it!
caffeaffogato: OSHIT
caffeaffogato: SDAD
caffeaffogato: ASDFKL;JAS;DL
caffeaffogato: WELRK
I freakin' hate house centipedes, and if you are not familiar with them, they look like this (warning: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN A WORLD THAT IS GOOD AND JUST) and they move like the goddamn wind and now it's hiding somewhere between the counter and the porn bin, dreaming of crawling up my pants and touching me with its six trillion horrible stripey legs.
Wikipedia has this to say about them:
In 1902, C.L. Marlatt, an entomologist with the United States Department of Agriculture wrote a brief description of the house centipede:
It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements, often darting directly at inmates of the house, particularly women, evidently with a desire to conceal itself beneath their dresses, and thus creating much consternation.
Consterfuckingnation indeed, Mr. Marlatt.
So um. That's been my morning. How are you?
Addendum:
maypirate: I think it's safely behind the porn now.
starsandgraces: Oh, thank goodness
starsandgraces: I hope it jumps out at someone renting porn
starsandgraces: That would be hilarious
maypirate: That would fucking make my life.
starsandgraces: if you find its body, put it inside the case for Human Centipede
maypirate: *laaaaaaaaaaaaaughs*
starsandgraces: *reasons no one will ever hire me*
maypirate: I would hire you for just that reason.
maypirate:There's a house centipede about three feet away from me.maypirate:Sitting.maypirate:Waiting.maypirate:It's all stripey.maypirate:Its many protrusions are striped.maypirate:I'm afraid if I don't keep a close eye on it, it will run over my toes.maypirate:OH GOD IT JUST MADE A BREAK FOR WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO GO STANDmaypirate:IT KNOWS MY MINDTheir reactions were varied:
starsandgraces: Is it at work?starsandgraces:Then don't worrystarsandgraces: You will leave and it will diejactrades: just don't go near anythingjactrades: ever againjactrades: and keep an eye on the ceilingjactrades: in case it climbs and then FALLSjou: egadjou: drop a book on it!caffeaffogato: OSHITcaffeaffogato: SDADcaffeaffogato: ASDFKL;JAS;DLcaffeaffogato: WELRKI freakin' hate house centipedes, and if you are not familiar with them, they look like this (warning: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN A WORLD THAT IS GOOD AND JUST) and they move like the goddamn wind and now it's hiding somewhere between the counter and the porn bin, dreaming of crawling up my pants and touching me with its six trillion horrible stripey legs.
Wikipedia has this to say about them:
In 1902, C.L. Marlatt, an entomologist with the United States Department of Agriculture wrote a brief description of the house centipede:
It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements, often darting directly at inmates of the house, particularly women, evidently with a desire to conceal itself beneath their dresses, and thus creating much consternation.
Consterfuckingnation indeed, Mr. Marlatt.
So um. That's been my morning. How are you?
Addendum:
maypirate: I think it's safely behind the porn now.starsandgraces: Oh, thank goodnessstarsandgraces: I hope it jumps out at someone renting pornstarsandgraces: That would be hilariousmaypirate: That would fucking make my life.starsandgraces: if you find its body, put it inside the case for Human Centipedemaypirate: *laaaaaaaaaaaaaughs*starsandgraces: *reasons no one will ever hire me*maypirate: I would hire you for just that reason.
