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So this morning I was sitting, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, one of my nemeses showed up. I immediately had to tell everyone I was talking to on gmail about it:
maypirate:There's a house centipede about three feet away from me.
maypirate:Sitting.
maypirate:Waiting.
maypirate:It's all stripey.
maypirate:Its many protrusions are striped.
maypirate:I'm afraid if I don't keep a close eye on it, it will run over my toes.
maypirate:OH GOD IT JUST MADE A BREAK FOR WHERE I WAS ABOUT TO GO STAND
maypirate:IT KNOWS MY MIND
Their reactions were varied:
starsandgraces: Is it at work?
starsandgraces:Then don't worry
starsandgraces: You will leave and it will die
jactrades: just don't go near anything
jactrades: ever again
jactrades: and keep an eye on the ceiling
jactrades: in case it climbs and then FALLS
jou: egad
jou: drop a book on it!
caffeaffogato: OSHIT
caffeaffogato: SDAD
caffeaffogato: ASDFKL;JAS;DL
caffeaffogato: WELRK
I freakin' hate house centipedes, and if you are not familiar with them, they look like this (warning: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN A WORLD THAT IS GOOD AND JUST) and they move like the goddamn wind and now it's hiding somewhere between the counter and the porn bin, dreaming of crawling up my pants and touching me with its six trillion horrible stripey legs.
Wikipedia has this to say about them:
In 1902, C.L. Marlatt, an entomologist with the United States Department of Agriculture wrote a brief description of the house centipede:
It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements, often darting directly at inmates of the house, particularly women, evidently with a desire to conceal itself beneath their dresses, and thus creating much consternation.
Consterfuckingnation indeed, Mr. Marlatt.
So um. That's been my morning. How are you?
Addendum:
maypirate: I think it's safely behind the porn now.
starsandgraces: Oh, thank goodness
starsandgraces: I hope it jumps out at someone renting porn
starsandgraces: That would be hilarious
maypirate: That would fucking make my life.
starsandgraces: if you find its body, put it inside the case for Human Centipede
maypirate: *laaaaaaaaaaaaaughs*
starsandgraces: *reasons no one will ever hire me*
maypirate: I would hire you for just that reason.
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Their reactions were varied:
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I freakin' hate house centipedes, and if you are not familiar with them, they look like this (warning: DO NOT CLICK IF YOU WANT TO BELIEVE IN A WORLD THAT IS GOOD AND JUST) and they move like the goddamn wind and now it's hiding somewhere between the counter and the porn bin, dreaming of crawling up my pants and touching me with its six trillion horrible stripey legs.
Wikipedia has this to say about them:
In 1902, C.L. Marlatt, an entomologist with the United States Department of Agriculture wrote a brief description of the house centipede:
It may often be seen darting across floors with very great speed, occasionally stopping suddenly and remaining absolutely motionless, presently to resume its rapid movements, often darting directly at inmates of the house, particularly women, evidently with a desire to conceal itself beneath their dresses, and thus creating much consternation.
Consterfuckingnation indeed, Mr. Marlatt.
So um. That's been my morning. How are you?
Addendum:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
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no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:21 pm (UTC)Ohgod they were all through my dorm in college, TIMES TEN when I lived in a basement room, and THEY ALWAYS GOT ON THE CEILING, AAAAAAAAAH D: D: D: D:
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:10 am (UTC)Brrrrr. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:22 pm (UTC)Also, NO JOKE ABOUT THE FALLING FROM THE CEILING THING, that happened to me once.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:11 am (UTC)I'm so sorry these things happened to you. *holds you*
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:13 am (UTC)Our store is kind of dank, so I'm not surprised they hang out there, but I'm always unhappy to see them.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:46 pm (UTC)At least your entry gave me laughs on the reactions! :D Sorry you had to fight this monsterous beast!
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:24 am (UTC)Or maybe I should have caught it and released it in my boss' office. Remind me of that next time.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 06:19 pm (UTC)EJKRHT/JKTHZEJKYHJKZY5H
NO
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:15 am (UTC)Come back to America, they want to meet you! <3
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 08:23 am (UTC)WITH HOURS OF MY ARRIVAL IN FLORIDA I WAS SHARING A SHOWER WITH A PALMETTO BUG AND I SCREAMED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND WAS LIKE, OK, THAT'S TERRIFYING BUT THIS IS THE SOUTH AND SURELY NOT EVERYWHERE IS LIKE THAT
THEN I FIND THE NORTH HAS FUCKING CEILING CENTIPEDES WATCHING U MASTERBATE AND NOW
/NEVER EVER COMING BACK/
no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 09:06 pm (UTC)"What is that?"
"Oh.. it's a house centipede."
"That is not a bug. That is some sort of hairy abomination. It a crime against nature."
Which pretty much sums it up.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-18 10:25 pm (UTC)Except when they die under the sofa and we only find them by the smell. *shudder*
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-19 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:18 am (UTC)I hope you never do have to see one. The combination of legs and speed is just horrifying.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-19 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:19 am (UTC)Man, who knows. He probably wanted "Locker Room Cumbath" or "Firemen, Policemen, Cops and Cocks." Or hopefully my favorite, "Irrational Sex Intruders."
The porn bin is covered in filth anyway, I'm sure he fit right in.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-24 11:27 pm (UTC)...was this made before or after the bed intruder song?
no subject
Date: 2011-08-19 03:45 am (UTC)there was this one time back at college where i was reading in bed and one of those house centipedes dropped on the book i was reading. in front of my face.
enough said.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:21 am (UTC)THIS IS THE WORST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD TODAY
no subject
Date: 2011-08-19 06:15 pm (UTC)If you manage to kill it, don't forget to check at least ten times if it's dead. You don't want to turn your back on it, only to feel a weird sensation on your legs.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-22 03:22 am (UTC)I didn't see it again after it went and hid behind the porn. I can only hope that it died there or made its way to another part of the store.
Maybe its waiting to crawl on my boss. I'd be all for that. :F
no subject
Date: 2011-08-26 07:04 am (UTC)