Please don't touch my huge dick

I have returned from Maryland, but this time tomorrow I will be on my way home to Wisconsin (SASSIEST STATE IN THE UNION BITCHIZZZZ). Sure, these things warrant talking about, but we're here to discuss something else.

For whatever reason, my W&M account gets massive amounts of spam, most of it advertising for "MegaDik." While this is insanely obnoxious, some of the subject lines and content of these messages are truly incredible.

( Dick pills are pills. For your dick. (Potentially NSFW?) )

And just so everyone knows, apparently my name has changed:

To: "Thad U. Maddox" acohe@wm.edu

It's very manly and tough. Now I understand those manly urges where I just want to kill something, fix things, cook outdoors...

And scene.