I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger

[maypirate]

Last night I was talking to sink_or_swim about old times and I remembered I fight that I had with people on churchofelric four years ago.

And I realized...I'm not even sure what I realized. I guess I realized I'm sorry for what I said, how I said it, and how I failed to be articulate and rational. I'm sorry for upsetting people. To be honest, I barely remembered what I'd done, but once reminded I just sort of feel stupid and impossibly young. In the course of that fight I was told to "grow the fuck up," which was hard because I thought I was mature when I was 24, when I was alone and on my own in grad school. I was wrong.

I just wanted to say to anyone who still remembers that, or thinks about it bitterly, that I'm sorry. I was in a dark place and I'm only realizing now how dark it was, and how poorly I acted when I was there. I've been trying to grow the fuck up for a long time now, and I realize that I have a long way to go, and it's going to be many years before I come anywhere close.

But I'm trying, and I'm learning from my mistakes. It's a process.

We have come to terms.

Comments

[eonism.livejournal.com]

Aww, everybody does stupid things in fandom when they're younger. I used to be notorious for flame wars and getting perma-banned from forums in various comic book, video game and anime fandoms. Shrug. I'm not proud of it, and, yeah, I was in a rough place at that point. I think I was just lashing out, or trying to distract myself. It is what it is. You just learn from it and move on.

*hugs*

[midnightbanshee.livejournal.com]

I don't even remember that anymore lol. I still love you, May!

[herongale]

WHAT FIGHT? (this is merely a rhetorical question, I don't expect you to outline the fight...)

Seriously I don't remember! There was so much drama all the time. We all participated in drama at some point or another.

But anyway. May, you mean a lot to me. Between us I don't think there ever was any special fight, but even if there were, let's just say, forgiven and forgotten.

[mrasaki.livejournal.com]

Everyone says stupid shit when they're younger... just some are not as fortunate to get away with it before they wise up on their own.

In internet history, this is only a blip. Nothing's ever truly gone on the internet, but people move on, bb. Don't beat yourself up over it.

[thalialunacy.livejournal.com]

Oh dude, have I ever told you about all the stupid shit I said in Harry Potter fandom? I was that age, too. Solidarity. <3